My Aunt. RIP

I only knew her from her visits.

When I was little, I remember going to her house but that is a rather faint recollection. As I was growing up, I had had few opportunities to see her. But she did visit from time to time, and they were quite joyful.

A somewhat lonesome child would welcome any kind of disruption of the daily routine, so nothing new there. But she was radiant in her presence, always ready to smile at the slightest opportunity. As I learned later, she had found humor as a means of dealing with hardship, of which there were plenty.

She had been married very young, an orphan girl who had lost her father rather early in life. I guess she and her two little brothers had a David Copperfield upbringing, what with war, Partition and being a refugee. As fate would have it, she married a decent man who treated her well and with respect. They had four children: a daughter and three sons.

It has to be said of her parenting skills, they must have been rather superb. She had raised all her children to be strong in character and be very close to each other. To this day, her three sons have very close relationships with each other. They are known for being being honorable men at a time when that phrase seems quaint. Her daughter was a remarkable woman of her own right who later became a senior civil servant.

I was always rather curious about her relationship with my father. You see, I have older sisters myself and I wanted to know how my father dealt with his sister. I have known him to be the head of the family and it was rather strange to see him slip into the role of the younger brother, deferential and respectful. She always treated her baby brother with kindness. One day, at a family gathering I saw her steal a glance at him and smile. I could tell she loved him very much.

I think she was probably closest to my sister Jenny. It was obvious the way she spoke to her, that there was a closeness which was special. She was her favorite niece and very dear to her heart.

I always found her to be easy to approach. She never spoke to me in any kind of condescending or patronizing manner. She would never fail to appear impressed by my paltry academic achievements and would always encourage me to do better. She had this quiet smile when she would look at you, as if she was both pleased and a little baffled that you have grown up so quickly.

The last time I saw her, I was leaving for college. She had asked me what I would like and I mentioned carrot cakes. She spend the afternoon making them and they were hot, but probably the tastiest I have had.

A humble woman who preferred simplicity of appearance rather than any form of vanity, she had always led her life in an exemplary fashion. She was deeply faithful and yet never wore it on her sleeve. She had had to deal with quite a lot of tragedies in the last few years. The death of her mother, her daughter and lastly her husband. She had remained unflinchingly stoic through all of that.

The last time I spoke to her was a little after the death of my uncle, a man she had shared over sixty years of her life with. She was composed and stoic in her grief- propriety and strength of character had not left her even at the most vulnerable moments. Instead, she tried to console me.

She died on Friday, February 4, 2011. A diminutive woman, she has left a very large hole in all our lives.

I never said it often enough, but I loved you, Fupi (Aunt). And I am grateful that you loved and cared for me.

May your soul rest in peace forever.